In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
