yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
