I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
