pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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