we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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