Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
