Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
