They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize