did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize