turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
