none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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