yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Randomize
