Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
