I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
