if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
