Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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