Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
They took my balls.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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