dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
