I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize