he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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