I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
