In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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