carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize