I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize