I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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