Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
