we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
