Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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