Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
