You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
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