maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
