Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
