Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
