my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
