It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
