Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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