Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Randomize
