Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Your penis caused this!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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