awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Someone came in the potted fern
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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