whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
