And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
