she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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