do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize