They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
