if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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