So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
The dick lei will go down in squad history
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
