mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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