I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
