she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
