my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
