nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize