She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
