I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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