My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Come see our sink grown plant.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
