It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
false alarm. still invincible.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
