theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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