I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
