we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
