Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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