woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Randomize
