you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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