She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
