So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
