Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I can't turn off my feet"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
