Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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