Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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