Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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