you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I can't put those talents on a resume
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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