very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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