onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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