I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
