Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
