Non-Jews are for practice
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
