Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
