you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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