So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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