I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
