just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Randomize
