I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
How's work?
Spinning.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
