i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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