Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
