It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
