I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
