I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
