he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
