Got a toothbrush?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
