I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize