Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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