3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
