This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
