Well douche your snatch and let's go!
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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