that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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