I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I am mentally ready for anal.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
