Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
