Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
