Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize