There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
