I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Randomize
