Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize