While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
