i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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