Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
