we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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