she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize