Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
