Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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