dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
