I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize